Fear of Failure

I overcame this... and so can you

I wasn’t one of those people who as a baby went from lying in a cot to walking around the furniture. Were You? Most of us followed the stages of natural development as a baby. This involved making mistakes, falling down and trying to get up hundreds of times before eventually succeeding and walking. So why is it when we make mistakes throughout our life we call it FAILURE rather than LEARNING?

Lasting memories of how I felt on the day my exam results came through the door at age 16. Can you remember that feeling too? I FAILED a couple of my exams first time, it felt like my world had crashed down around my ears. All my dreams of becoming a nurse and then a midwife had gone in that second of seeing the results. The look on people’s faces when they realized I had FAILED, I felt at that time I had let everyone down including myself. Anybody had that feeling? The thing is it was my self esteem that took a battering, I believed that I wasn’t very good and would fail things that I did first time. This was confirmed again when I FAILED my driving test, it wasn’t a surprise as I believed I would fail and when I did, my brain kept confirming what I was thinking all along, I was going to fail. My self confidence was dropping quite quickly now. I failed more exams, same looks of disappointment, my belief about myself was growing, I was a FAILURE. I eventually did pass my driving test, I did qualify as a nurse and then as a Midwife but I still always had the worry of FAILING. I even had one of my midwifery lecturers confirming this belief as she also continued to tell me that I would fail my Midwifery exams. Did she sense my belief of failure too? There was no evidence as I absolutely loved midwifery and passed my assessments with no problem at all. She even gave me the date for the retake before the results came out! It was a long 6 weeks to say the least. Have you had similar experiences? I had an absolute belief that I was not good enough and people around me confirmed it.

Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now about failure

Why did I let other people influence what my capabilities were? I did pass and qualify as a midwife and have cared for mothers and babies for over 28 years across the UK. Over the years I have worked with so many women, midwifery colleagues and women in my care where FAILURE is a constant label that women give to themselves. The Fear of Failure of not being able to be a good mother, not having a normal birth, the guilt if the baby doesn't sleep for 12 hours in the first week, the pressures of feeling unable to live up to expectations. This is contributing to the rise in mental health issues amongst women around the world today.

However, there is GOOD news, if you are one of the millions of women feeling the same way I did. I am here to tell you that myself and Darrell in My Arena Coaching have tried and tested proven strategies to support you to rewire your brain through our mastermind program, to finally get off the hamster wheel of your life and be courageous. We invite you to step into the arena and start believing that you have the power to live a life that you desire and deserve where the word Failure does not even exist.

With our work over the last 4 years Darrell and I have been working in Quality Improvement and studying Improvement science in a healthcare setting. The focus was to get results by taking small steps, measuring progress and Learning what works and what doesn’t... IT IS NOT FAILURE. After years of success in our work, we believe and are passionate about supporting you on your journey. The approach comes from an idea to break a BIG goal into small parts and then improve on each of these areas. This will increase your ability to have huge success when all of these small improvements work together towards your BIG goal. We want you to have a certain feeling of happiness, when you look back in a year and you can clearly see how you have changed your own life towards a life of fulfilment and happiness. We believe that happiness is progress.

How would you feel in a year if you do nothing?

Just to get you going and in preparation for the beginning of 2019, I have outlined the Top 3 habits to practice when it comes to rewiring your brain. You can take action right now.

  1. You are not a failure just because you had a set back
    Think about the most successful people and how they got there. The thing about successful people is that you don’t really hear about the years of perseverance, commitment and the numerous steps to their success, we only know when they are successful ,as if it happened overnight. Be kind to yourself and don’t believe that just because you failed today, you will fail again tomorrow. You have learnt something you didn’t know yesterday.
  2. Ask Yourself Better Questions
    When you have asked yourself a better question “What did I learn?” Think about one thing that you want to try differently next time. Once you are able to see the situation from a more objective viewpoint and not immediately slink into the negative self -limiting beliefs you will start to feel better about yourself and start making small steps towards happiness. You could use the activity worksheet to start to measure your progress.
  3. Improve your Self Esteem and Commit to Something
    By having morning daily habits each day which will help you to feel good about yourself. This may involve committing to do one thing every day. It may just be making your bed. But if you do what you say you will do everyday and record it to measure your progress you will start to feel better about yourself. It is a small step but it is important to be able to commit to something, anything and start being accountable to yourself. If you don’t make your bed one day , notice what it was that prevented you from doing it. It is not an opportunity to start being negative about yourself accept that you didn’t make your bed and start again tomorrow. Once you start being able to commit to something you will improve your self- esteem when you see that you have made a small step and progressed. Remember Happiness is progress.

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