I gazed at the bookshop window displaying a huge picture of the front cover of the book I had just published, Tales of a Midwife.
The day before I had been working on the delivery suite at the hospital. had supported a lady to bring her beautiful baby into the world and here I am now just about to do my first book signing. I was more nervous here than supporting women to birth their baby! My family was so excited, my daughters were 6 and 4 at the time,why was I so nervous about going into the bookshop?
Since publishing my book, having my face all over the newspapers in the UK celebrating the success of becoming a Sunday Times Bestselling author, why was I feeling so uncomfortable? I absolutely loved writing Tales of a Midwife
The purpose of the book was:
But the purpose of all of the book signings? I understood it was important to engage with the people reading my book, however, I was out of my comfort zone and found the publicity difficult. I had experienced people I knew stop speaking to me, people that never normally spoke to me started speaking to me, I felt quite vulnerable and was embarking into a world I was unfamiliar with.
As I was deep in thought, I was approached by a lovely man "Are you coming in?" I assured him I would be making my way over in a minute. My mind was racing, what if no one turned up? I kept asking myself, who am I to write a book? All I really wanted to do was hide in a cupboard, why was I behaving in this way?
When I did go into Waterstones the bookstore, I was met by the most wonderful women that I had cared for, with one particular family coming along with their two year old son who had been critically ill after birth, there he was running around in front of me, it was a very special moment.
In 2012 I did have opportunities to do other work following on from the success of Tales of a Midwife but when I was up against myself and believing that I was not enough I didn’t take anything forward. I went back to what I knew best and would not willingly tell people that I had written a book. It was my close friends that would bring it up in conversation to new friends and I could feel myself become uncomfortable once again.
Only years later since embarking in my improvement science work, reading widely into mastering mindset and feeling like I have Brene Brown as a virtual mentor, it is only now that I have started to finally understand what I had been telling myself for all of those years. My questions to myself "Who am I to write a book?"This led me making up stories in my head about other people and their thoughts about me, "Who is she to write a book?" This had become my identity and this was telling me that I was not enough. This sparked my emotional state to be one of anxiety and it affected my behavior, I got my hair cut short and got myself a fringe for the first time in my life! I didn't want to be recognized because of all of the reasons I had been telling myself, I was not enough.
But not anymore, I have mastered my mindset and I want to support you do the same. I have learnt strategies that are founded in improvement science and they work, we have the evidence. I now do believe that I am enough, I have shifted my identity and it has affected my beliefs, it has influenced my behavior in a way that I am now clear of my goals and reaching for my them every day. I am making progress in my life for myself and my family and you can too.
We have a mission, we are clear in our purpose to help as many women as possible achieve happiness in their lives and be happy in a life that they desire and deserve. If you are feeling that you are not enough, if you are struggling to get off your hamster wheel of life and you don’t know how to move forward, join us.
We will take you from a place of feeling stuck and frustrated, to a place where you feel confident, you are in control and empowered to lead the life that you want to and be happy.
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